Have you ever looked back at the early part of your life and think something wasn’t right? My parents told me recently that my older brother, by 11 months, was extremely jealous of me from the time I was born. Not sure if that exists now or even existed beyond toddler age, but there were a number of occasions that could have resulted in my demise. The first of these as early as two years of age.

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This first event saw my brother feeding me some of our mother’s tablets, not sure what they were but they caused sufficient drama for us to be both rushed to the infirmary for a stomach pump. Apparently he screamed the place down while I giggled and played with the nurses, even though my stomach had many more tablets than his one. The next occurance of near fatal consequences was at three.
We had just finished watching Doctor Who on tv and were playing Daleks, my brother being a little older may have comprehended the word exterminate and that is what he attempted as he pushed me into the fireplace. Our journey to hospital to have the head wound stitched was in the neighbours van. Even though this was 1968 I remember it vividly because it was the first time I had seen brown bread, which is what accompanied their fish and chips. It was a few years before any further attempts were made on my life.
Some 4 years later, we had been in Australia for 2 and a bit years, we lived on the fourth floor of a block of flats, in Perth. Nearby was a swimming pool with a diving pool. This diving pool had a 10m (32ft) diving tower. Now this was not the first and certainly wouldn’t be the last time my brother wanted to use me as his crash test dummy. So he convinced his 7 year old brother to climb up the steps to the top and jump off. Well not being a great swimmer was no barrier to me doing exactly as he said. So off I plummeted and my small frame let of a little splash as I sank to the bottom. Fortunately a nice young man saw what was happening and dragged me to the side of the pool. Even more fortunate was that I didn’t break any bones.
Lets fast forward 3 more years to attempt number four. We had moved yet again from the flats to a place in front of our fathers work place. We had received bikes for Christmas the year before and had plenty of places to ride them near home. The only issue being that one of the busiest areas was where we lived so 9 year old boys and busy roads are not a very good combination, especially not with a fearless older brother who thinks you are a crash test dummy. Riding along one of these busy roads following my brother, he decided to cross the road, I looked behind and thought it was safe to go. Next thing crash, bang, smash. Fortunately it was yet another failed attempt on my life, only my elbow and the cars mirror were injured on this occurrence, but one second earlier and the attempt would have been a success. Attempted murder part II will have the remaining four unsuccessful attempts…

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